Do any (or maybe all) of these goals sound familiar?
When I reflect on my SmartMouth years (15, to be exact, this month!), and all that I’ve learned from working with an incredibly diverse and absolutely fascinating client base, I would have to say the ultimate game-changer and live-saver for speakers coincidentally comes from the organ we can’t live without … our hearts.
The key to all of the above goals – being a better storyteller, being impactful, connecting, inspiring, and grabbing attention – is to use, and speak from, our hearts. Nothing engages an audience quite like passion. Genuine love, excitement, dedication, energy, and drive can win over audiences under any circumstance.
Consider a few common presentation situations:
Hostages. When people choose to be in the room for your presentation, you have a naturally more attentive audience. When people have not chosen to be in the room and are what I call hostages, it creates special challenges around grabbing and holding attention. Without question, though, a speaker who is passionate and energized about the topic will have a much better chance of grabbing and holding attention even when the audience is only mildly interested in the topic or, worse, not interested at all. With an impassioned delivery, a room of hostages will leave with a good impression of the speaker at the very least.
Presenting Up. Presenting to people who may be more knowledgeable or experienced than you can be daunting. Capturing their attention is hard. Wanting to impress them feels urgent. Yet they know more than you do. So how on earth are you supposed to hold their attention? Honestly, the best thing you can do is to open your heart, be vulnerable, transparent, and excited. Let your audience in, engage them with your eagerness for your work and where you are in it. It will be infectious.
Dry Material. Let’s face it, some presentations deal with material that is dry. Period. If you can share a story – an anecdote, example, or case study – it will do two things. First, it will illustrate the importance or usefulness of your dry material. Second, it will animate your voice and body, bringing out even the most latent passion. If you don’t have any stories to add color, then think about (and rehearse!) infusing your delivery with energy and physical animation, demonstrating a keen interest in or commitment to your topic, and/or telling the audience how genuinely pleased you are to be speaking with them and thank them graciously for their attention to the dry material.
When you make a presentation, you’re hoping to generate interest in your topic. Passion is simply a demonstration of your own interest in the topic. If you want others to be interested, I think it’s only fair that it begins with you. Don’t fake your passion, you don’t have to. Tap into it, it’s very likely close to the surface and accessible to you!
Dear Friends of SmartMouth,
Happy New Year, I hope this year and decade bring you lots of opportunities to shine … especially at the front of the room!
In an effort to maintain balance and quality, I plan to scale back the SmartMouth blog post and newsletter to once a month, rather than twice. Starting this month, you can look for a nugget of advice on communication skills and style on the third Thursday of the month. I hope you’ll continue to follow and read!
In gratitude for your loyalty and friendship.
It doesn’t take much to be a good leader-communicator. Perfection may be elusive, but being good enough to earn the admiration of your team are well within reach. Adherence to a few core principles takes care of most situations.
In my book Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, I walk readers through the philosophy behind, and application of, these 5 principles: Audience-centricity, Transparency, Graciousness, Brevity, and Preparedness.
Audience-centricity is probably the most fundamental of the five principles. Simply put, audience-centricity is making the audience’s interests and experience a top priority in the planning and execution of a talk. Too many speakers prepare and deliver what is important and interesting to themselves without enough careful consideration of their listeners. Being audience-centric is a mindset shift that encourages the speaker to prepare and deliver content in a way that will matter to and resonate with the audience.
Transparency is exactly what you think it is; it’s about being open and direct—yes, and honest, too. Transparency is critical. It contributes to the levels of sincerity and trust that are accorded to you by your audience.
Graciousness is the art, skill, and willingness to be kindhearted, fair, and polite. As motivators and influencers, love and peace work far better than hate and war. Speaking in positives rather than negatives leaves lasting, favorable impressions.
Brevity is a crowd-pleaser and needs no further introduction.
Preparedness speaks for itself as well, especially because the unprepared speaker is the one who is most likely to be longwinded, not to mention unfocused. While the mere thought of preparation might bring on feelings of dread or even impossibility, there are ways to prepare that take only seconds but that can greatly enhance a speaker’s effectiveness.
As you settle in for the homestretch toward year-end, I would encourage you to pick one of these principles as your personal pet project for the remainder of Q4. Which one of these 5 do you feel like you need to improve on the most? Or which one of these 5 would have the most impact on your business if you strengthened it? Pick one and go for it!
Let’s cut to the chase on nerves and public speaking by first dispensing with the platitudes we typically hear on the subject.
It’s not enough for you to know that the nervousness you feel before a presentation is your adrenaline getting you ready to do well. That doesn’t really help you, does it?
It’s also not enough to know that literally everyone feels the same way in the first two minutes of a presentation. That’s not helpful either, right?
Or that you just shouldn’t worry about it, you’ll do fine. Not very helpful.
Hearing these attempts to rationalize your experience is akin to being terribly sick with the flu and hearing “it’s a really bad flu season this year,” or “it’s been making the rounds, everyone has it.” Those may be true statements but they’re not a cure for your body’s misery.
Given that there’s also no cure for nerves in public speaking, I’d like to offer some new agey advice, a new angle on an old problem. Here are four ways to create your own zen space while delivering a presentation – keeping you present, at peace, and minimizing unnecessary distractions:
Use your breath. Two steps: 1) Deep breath in. 2) Nice, long exhale out. Sounds silly but it’s real. A good long exhale releases tension in your body, which can make you feel better. Never mind specifics about what to do with your abs or lungs, just take some deep breaths and let out a few good, long exhales. It will relieve and release the tension you feel. Repeat, as necessary.
Use your energy. Focus on your audience rather than on yourself. I mean really stop thinking about yourself. Give them, not yourself (and all your crazy nervous thoughts about forgetting what you want to say or what people are thinking about you), your energy. Turn your attention to them, look at them, move closer to them, talk to them. Surrender your attachment to how well you’re doing or to your material. Instead, connect with THEM.
Set an intention. Set an intention for yourself by imagining ahead of time the type of speaker you want to be in the room – e.g. relaxed, conversational, commanding, confident, approachable, entertaining. Picture yourself being that speaker. Your intention becomes a goal, an ideal, you will be setting for yourself and gives you positive imagery to use as a guide while you speak.
Be mindful. Use mindfulness to acknowledge and accept your nervousness, being gentle and compassionate with yourself, rather than push it away or deny it. Resistance creates suffering. Don’t resist, simply accept. Know that your nerves will accompany you on this journey that is your presentation. It’s natural, it’s you, it’s okay. One of the definitions of zen is to be relaxed and not worrying about things you cannot change.
Taken all together – breathing, turning yourself and your attention over to the audience, visualizing an ideal, and accepting rather than resisting your nerves – might not be a cure but employing these techniques over time will make your public speaking nerves more tolerable initially and then eventually, totally manageable.
I was captivated recently by an article in National Geographic’s Secrets of Animal Communication. In particular, this passage on the first page really stuck with me:
Communication might even be conceived … as anything that’s evolved to transmit information, with “information” defined as a reduction of uncertainty. Understood in this way, communication is found in the speckles on a trout’s flank and the courtship displays of whooping cranes, the abdomen-wagging dances of honeybees and – yes – monkey alarm calls … Cues, signals, messages – communication is everywhere, and life is a constant gathering of information.
A constant gathering of information, thereby reducing uncertainty. Amazing definition! At a very primal level, information is meant to reduce the unknowns, to guide us, to give us signals – via sight and sound – for knowing, deciding, engaging. Wow, let’s hold that thought for a minute.
When we gather information – in meetings and presentations – does it typically reduce uncertainty? Doesn’t it sometimes (or often) increase uncertainty? Obfuscate? Blur? Confuse?
What if we shared information only with the intention, or to the extent, that we would reduce uncertainty – or, to be more positive about it – to ensure certainty? Instead of giving in to the urge to be thorough or to prove that we’re the smartest person in the room, we would communicate – with our body language and our words – more deliberately and strategically, wouldn’t we?
We would indeed. So here are three of SmartMouth’s tips to help us be more deliberate and strategic with our information:
1. Cues. The best way to reduce uncertainty is to guide your audience each step of the way. Tell them when your introduction is over, when you’re making and concluding your first main point, when you’re digressing to tell a story, when you’re transitioning from one point to another, and when something you’re saying is more important than the rest. Drop little breadcrumbs along the way so they can track and know where you are and what they’re supposed to remember.
2. Signals. Decide that you’re going to show up, be present and let the audience know you want to be with them. If you make a conscious decision ahead of time that you’re going to relax and enjoy your time, it is more likely to happen and your audience is more likely to engage with you. And smile – it’s probably the best non-verbal signal you can send.
3. Messages. Information, defined as evidence, background or detail, is meant to support a point or message. Know your what your message is, and then, to support it, decide how much and what kind of information your audience can tolerate and digest … in order to reduce uncertainty. TMI, or too much information, is in the eye of the beholder, your audience! (Ask yourself: are they in the room by choice or obligation? If by choice, you have more latitude with info; if by obligation, limit it.)
Check yourself and be honest: Are you reducing uncertainty when you speak and share information or are you making the waters murkier for your audiences? We get a lot of wisdom about ourselves from our observations of the animal kingdom, but this particular gem, that info = reduction of uncertainty, is particularly poignant in a world of TMI. Like animals, our communication is via sight and sound, so let’s make sure we reduce uncertainty with both.
Q: Given all the best practices and well-known tips for public speaking, is there a style everyone should try to emulate and master?
Coaching people to be better speakers and presenters is delicate business. People are sensitive, they have pride and egos – and not in a bad way, but in a very good way. If someone has reached the point where they need to be more impactful at the front of the room, either they’ve earned it or they’re showing great potential. In other words, they have every right to be prideful and (appropriately) protective of their ego.
There are coaches out there who work to mold their coachees into a certain speaking style they view as the gold standard. It can be awkward or, at the very least, difficult for the coachee to achieve; it’s just not them. I don’t hold people to a standard. I believe (quite strongly) that every individual is at their best only when she or he strives to be their best self.
Let’s be honest, not every turn at the front of the room is a TEDTalk, nor is it the Gettysburg Address. Very few people are offering inspirational keynotes. Most people who speak in front of groups need and want to be effective in order to advance their work. They want to be clear, concise and impressive. This automatically removes the need to emulate someone erudite and profound like Winston Churchill or someone with the magnetic delivery of a Ronald Reagan or a Barack Obama. Which means there’s no need for a gold standard.
If you are in the position of offering a friend or colleague some advice, or if you’re the person asking for advice, I want you to use what I use, which is the “best self” standard. Let’s break that down …
Best. One of Merriam Webster’s definitions of best is the greatest degree of good or excellence.
Self. Self is defined as an individual’s typical character or behavior.
Taken together, the goal is to achieve the greatest degree of good or excellence for an individual’s typical character or behavior. In public speaking, this means looking for the person’s strengths and drawing those out more plus flagging the weaknesses so the speaker can be more self-aware and ready to avoid them.
Telling someone to “say that like Jenny does” or “do what Bob does” isn’t helpful. Telling them “you are so much more engaging when you get passionate” or “remember to slow down when you want your audience to hear every word in your sentence” is specific to them and therefore so much more attainable.
The point is to begin with the person and mold them into the best speaker they can be, not to begin with a speaker or mold in mind and squeeze the person into that. The goal is best self, not best speaker.
For those of you who are rabid college football fans, avert your eyes, click out of this, go do something else. This article is not for you.
If you’re like me, though, and you’re a sports enthusiast except when it comes to football, you might be looking for a diversion. Like me, you could be facing three months in which you’ll be hearing the ambient noise of football – because it’s constantly in the background or you’re passively watching with a loved one or you’ve agreed to meet friends at a local pub to watch (but only because you wanted to see your friends) – and you’re looking for something constructive to do for those three tedious hours. Look no further, I have just the thing!
College football, as all sporting events are, is an opportunity to hone your presentation skills. Yep, your presentation skills. Simply by watching and learning. So, here’s a heads-up on three aspects of athlete and coach communications that make great “notes to self” about how you want to (or not) present yourself:
Handling Q&A. Half-time and post-game interviews are a microcosm of what happens during Q&A in business settings. There are the usual, predictable questions that get asked every single time. There are also the out-of-left-field, are-you-kidding-me questions that no one is quite sure how to handle. And there’s everything in between. Watch and listen, you can probably learn something from both ends of the questioning spectrum. In particular, this: When you get asked the usual, predictable questions, are you curt and short because you’ve said it a hundred times (like some athletes and coaches are), or do you take your time to give a robust and substantive reply? I hope it’s the latter, because it may be old hat to you but you never know who’s hearing it for the first time.
Handling Victory. Post-game interviews with the victors are a fascinating thing to watch. Depending on the game, some athletes and coaches are so elated, they can barely formulate a full sentence. Still, it’s fun because they communicate with their ebullience. Other winners, and I can think of a few coaches as I say this, show imperceptible signs of the happiness you would expect to accompany a victory. Those are the interviews you watch and you’re not sure if you’re listening to the winning or losing coach. As with most things in life, the key is moderation: In other words, when celebrating a victory and communicating your feelings about it, the key is finding the balance between being joyful and being humble/gracious.
Handling Defeat. There are so many great examples of how to and how not to handle defeat in sports. We’ve all seen some players and coaches take roads so high we didn’t even know such thoughtfulness and eloquence were possible. And we’ve seen some who mumble, hang their heads and walk out of the room. Even though there’s a 50% chance of defeat in team sports, no one enters the game thinking it will be them (or if they think it will be them, they enter the game thinking positively and hoping for a miracle on the field!). No doubt, it’s hard to give the post-game interview after a loss. Watch and listen for things like graciousness versus defensiveness; responsibility versus blame; and hopeful versus fatalistic responses about the future. No need to harp on which is better, which sounds better, and which is better for reputation-building … you’re a time-tested audience member, you get it!
Pay attention to how reporters talk about, speculate and evaluate what players and coaches say and have said. Their observations – even with the ridiculously intense nonstop scrutiny – are also interesting and informative. They offer a window on what your audiences want to see and hear from you.
Enjoy college football this fall, and I hope you decide to join me in some armchair presentation coaching!
Here are some fun facts about communication that might surprise (or horrify) you:
All stereotypes aside, men and women speak approximately the same number of words per day – around 10,000, give or take a few.
Many of us spend 70 to 80% of our waking hours in some form of communication.
Of our daily communication time, we spend about 9% writing, 16% reading, 30% speaking, and 45% listening (Yikes!).
91% of people in the workplace report daydreaming during meetings. 73% do other work, and another 39% sleep. (Obviously very few are listening!)
The average person checks their email 36 times per hour. Yet it takes 16 minutes to refocus after opening email.
We spend approximately 15 million person hours per day viewing presentations in the U.S. alone.
These data points come from a variety of (reliable) sources and all point to one thing – communication is constant. And critical. Per the SmartMouth motto, communication is the currency of success … we cannot and do not succeed alone, we have to communicate in order to get things done and achieve goals. The above list of fun facts simply reminds us to make it count!
I have it all set up. The camera guy is looking through the lens of his TV studio camera, which is set on a tripod and fixed on the two chairs that face each other. The big-screen monitor for watching instant replays is next to the two chairs.
The young NBA player walks into the room after practice. He has showered and dressed in his team sweats, and while everyone else has gone home for the afternoon, he has agreed to submit to some one-on-one media training in advance of what promises to be a busy season on the floor. He’s barely a man in chronological age, but he’s physically huge, at just under seven feet tall. We shake hands; he sits down. I ask him if he’s ready to begin. He says he is.
The camera is rolling. I hand him an ordinary toothbrush. He looks at me, perplexed, clearly thinking, This is not what I agreed to do for the next two hours.
I ask him only a few questions about the toothbrush: What is that? What do you do with it? Do you like it? How often do you use it? What do you like about it?
He answers haltingly and offers simple, one-word responses.
Then we’re done with the exercise. We watch the instant replay of his “toothbrush interview,” and finally I explain the method behind my madness.
I do the toothbrush exercise with many of my clients, both athletes and executives. It is a defining and memorable exercise, and it is always totally unexpected . . . but not always well received, at least initially. After all, what does a toothbrush have to do with sports or, for that matter, with communicating?
Nothing. But it has everything to do with being able to think about your audience, be yourself, be nice, get to the point, and be prepared for all of the above.
The lesson of the toothbrush exercise is that no matter how mundane, obvious, or self-explanatory the questions or issues are, you need to be prepared at all times to address your audience in a positive, sincere, and robust manner. And there’s nothing more mundane, obvious, or self-explanatory to have to talk about than a toothbrush.
[Excerpted in part from Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World, www.jocktalkbook.com]
I’m so proud of my client! Let’s call him John.
Over the past three months, John has been successful in adapting his communication style and effectiveness so much that it’s noticeable to (and appreciated by) his colleagues and superiors. Quite simply, he has started to use inquiry + listening for understanding before disagreeing or talking.
John is passionate about his work. He’s also incredibly smart. However, he had been getting mixed feedback about his communication style in meetings. Seems that some of his colleagues felt he talked too much and took too long get his thoughts out. Others believed he was thoughtful and measured and thorough. (Long-windedness is apparently in the ear of the beholder!) He was confused and frustrated, unsure of how opinions (gathered in a 360 performance appraisal) could be so divergent.
His boss reached out to me, hoping I might be able to help him communicate in a way that is more collegial and concise. She told me John is a highly skilled and valued manager, but that his style in meetings verged on pontificating and many found it overbearing. She had talked to him about it, and they agreed to get him some coaching.
Luckily, John was super self-aware and also motivated to improve. When we began working together, he and I dove into why and how he tended to make his longer, more involved points during meetings. Turns out, it came from a sincere place – his passion for his organization’s work and his drive to achieve good outcomes. Fair enough. What we worked on was basically audience-centricity, or putting the audience first. We did that in three ways:
- Using inquiry: Asking questions of other people so he could draw out context, examples and perspective. It helps avoid misunderstandings and makes others feel as though they’ve been heard. Inquiry surfaces material for better, more informed dialogue and decision-making.
- Listening for understanding … versus listening for responding: Being open and empathetic in how he pays attention to other speakers in the room. Most of us listen with only half an ear; the other half is busy formulating or finessing a response. Listening for understanding requires that you stop composing your response or put aside thoughts of responding until after you’ve assimilated what the speaker has said.
- Disagreeing diplomatically: Offering up an opposing view in a constructive way on those occasions when John disagreed with what he was hearing. This involves a combination of 1) repeating what you heard and understood from others to be sure you got it right, and 2) articulating the shared opinions or shared goals you have with the other speaker(s). After those two steps, which empathize and build connection, you are free to share your view.
Just like the old saying, “look before you leap,” you should also think before you talk. You may have a strong position or a lot to say, but your colleagues and clients want and need to be heard and understood first. It’s all about them, your audience, because you can’t and won’t achieve your goals without them.