Q: Given all the best practices and well-known tips for public speaking, is there a style everyone should try to emulate and master?
Coaching people to be better speakers and presenters is delicate business. People are sensitive, they have pride and egos – and not in a bad way, but in a very good way. If someone has reached the point where they need to be more impactful at the front of the room, either they’ve earned it or they’re showing great potential. In other words, they have every right to be prideful and (appropriately) protective of their ego.
There are coaches out there who work to mold their coachees into a certain speaking style they view as the gold standard. It can be awkward or, at the very least, difficult for the coachee to achieve; it’s just not them. I don’t hold people to a standard. I believe (quite strongly) that every individual is at their best only when she or he strives to be their best self.
Let’s be honest, not every turn at the front of the room is a TEDTalk, nor is it the Gettysburg Address. Very few people are offering inspirational keynotes. Most people who speak in front of groups need and want to be effective in order to advance their work. They want to be clear, concise and impressive. This automatically removes the need to emulate someone erudite and profound like Winston Churchill or someone with the magnetic delivery of a Ronald Reagan or a Barack Obama. Which means there’s no need for a gold standard.
If you are in the position of offering a friend or colleague some advice, or if you’re the person asking for advice, I want you to use what I use, which is the “best self” standard. Let’s break that down …
Best. One of Merriam Webster’s definitions of best is the greatest degree of good or excellence.
Self. Self is defined as an individual’s typical character or behavior.
Taken together, the goal is to achieve the greatest degree of good or excellence for an individual’s typical character or behavior. In public speaking, this means looking for the person’s strengths and drawing those out more plus flagging the weaknesses so the speaker can be more self-aware and ready to avoid them.
Telling someone to “say that like Jenny does” or “do what Bob does” isn’t helpful. Telling them “you are so much more engaging when you get passionate” or “remember to slow down when you want your audience to hear every word in your sentence” is specific to them and therefore so much more attainable.
The point is to begin with the person and mold them into the best speaker they can be, not to begin with a speaker or mold in mind and squeeze the person into that. The goal is best self, not best speaker.